CUJO...but not really.

So this literally happened last weekend.
My adorable little gremlin, Stella hadn’t had a walk in forever. Matt and I were out all day and had plans to meet my parents for dinner so we agreed that I would be on walking duty if Matt was on cleaning duty. I had an ominous feeling in the pit of my stomach; for some reason when I walk Stella by myself, I always end up having some sort of conflict. “OK Stella, lets get this overwith.” I leash her up and we go outside.
It was a beautiful late Saturday afternoon and I was thoroughly enjoying my quiet time with the gremlin. I always want to unleash her but we have strict rules in our building that you must have your dog on a leash. It’s not an unfair rule to abide, considering the large amount of psychotic dogs that live in my building. However, time and time again I have seen these idiotic owners who feel like they are above the law and can have their stupid dog do and bother whatever and whoever they want.
I was standing there waiting for Stella to finish her poops and pees when I see out of the corner of my eye some figure charging toward us. At first it was just a tiny speck that I could barely make out, but the speck became larger and larger and soon I saw it was a Cavalier King Charles Terrier full out hurtling into us. Now I know this sounds silly because it wasn’t something scary like a Rottweiler or a Pit Bull, but this was clearly a special needs Cavalier King Charles Terrier loaded on steroids. It was running so hard its cheeks were flapping. It soon smashed its stupid face right up and into my gremlin’s ass, and Stella aint nobody’s bitch. She started growling which provoked the dog to hump Stella. I am clearly starting to lose it.
“HELLO???? Whoever owns this dog, can you please come get it??” I shouted across the dog park. At this moment I have Stella in my arms and the dog is humping MY leg. “Somebody, please get this dog away from me!”
“Ja, we’re comin, cheel out!” I look up and see from far away, there are 2 bitchy little men taking their sweet time to come over and get their dog. They are clearly in no rush, and about half an hour later they finally sashay over to where I am. They take their dog and walk away, no apologies or anything. I am in complete shock so I just walk away, Stella still in my arms, and go to the front of the park where I think it is now safe to let her go. And what do you know, as soon as I put Stella on the ground that dumb fucking dog is sprinting back over. “GET OUT OF HERE!” I scream at the little bitch, and I start kicking the dog (don’t worry animal lovers, I didn’t kick the thing hard, just enough to show him who’s boss). So here I am kicking this dog and these 2 morons are too high or stupid to care and don’t do anything about it at all! I mean if someone was kicking MY dog I would go ballistic on them. Maybe they appreciated the fact that I was kicking it because it was tiring him out. He finally leaves us alone and I go back upstairs, my whole body shaking. Matt sees me and knows something just went down. “What happened now??”
“These 2 idiots didn’t have their dog on a leash and it just attacked Stella and then myself and it was AWWWWFUL!!” I am literally about to cry, I am being so overdramatic.
“Well lets go down there and say something!” I say ok and follow Matt downstairs. We get outside and there they are, that dreadful beast and his bitchy dads.
“Do you guys live here??” I ask.
“Jes, we do.”
“Ok, well there is a rule here that you must have your dog on a leash at the dog park and you guys stood there and allowed my dog to be attacked by yours!”
“Oh pleeeease.” bitched the bitch. “Was jour doggy hurt?”
Matt is pissed off. “Ok we don’t need to hear any of your bullshit and we don’t need you to waste our time. Did your dog attack our dog or not??”
The other one started getting all uppity. “I no haf to leesten to jou!!” The other one was giggling and twirling his hair. Their dog was shitting on his foot but I didn’t have the heart to tell him.
“Yeah, well I don’t have to listen to you either!” Matt yells.
“No, I no leesten to jou, go away.” said the angry one. “Ya, go away, we no leesten!” said his sidekick.
“Well guess what assholes??” I shouted, “I am going to call the condo manager and tell him that you two were BREAKING THE LAW! You guys are fucked now!!” (Clearly, nobody was breaking the law, but these 2 weren’t the brightest colors in the box and I thought they would believe me).
I was still going off on the guys when they turned their backs on us and walked away. I guess they felt like they had the last laugh, but I wasn’t the one walking around with yucky on my shoe. I was exhausted, and just wanted to go back inside; my parents were on their way to our place and it still had to be cleaned. We took the elevator back to our apartment and when the doors opened, we were face to face with our friendly neighbor: Fred. “I can’t deal with you right now,” I said, feeling my headache increase. I stormed back into our place and poured myself a large glass of vodka on the rocks. “Are you going to help me finish cleaning?” Matt asked.
“Forget the cleaning,” I muttered. I decided to go online instead and find a doggy martial arts class. If Stella is going to be dealing with crazy dogs unleashed, it’s time for her to learn some self defense. And I really, really hope I don’t see those guys again.